Beauty blog

 I'm sitting here in my bed feeling like I'm having a Life review. Life reviews happen to people who have near-death experiences or ndes. I'm looking at my life as the path that I took for beauty. And what I'm finding out is that I am afraid to make myself beautiful because I am going to be reprimanded for putting on makeup, dressing up, even wearing heels. This stems from elementary school, my father, and some of my boyfriends. Sometimes I thought it was because I was dark skinned. But I was beautiful. My skin was a chocolate brown. My eyes and my hair are the same color. An extension hair it would be called number four. So I think I am beautiful. But now at 50 and my oppressors are now dead or gone., there should be no reason anymore for me to fear being beautiful. So I'm going to pray right now;

Father in the name of Jesus, I pray right now, to please deliver me from fear. Please deliver me from hurting myself. Please forgive me for not loving myself the way that you love me. Please forgive me for having other people's opinions affect the way I think about myself and it's not the way you think about me. Please forgive me for misinterpreting your word. Some people say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some people say that you don't look at the outward appearance but you look at the heart and I know that's what your word says not just what people say. But that misinterpretation messes with my self-esteem as far as me being beautiful is concerned. I will see so much about my nose and it's some instances I still am. But now I am in my older years and my body is beginning to break down. I spent a lot of my time not loving myself not beautiful in myself. Help me oh God to love myself. Help me oh Lord to be who you made me to be. That is a woman after your own heart. A woman that was born beautiful with curly hair and brown skin and the most beautiful smile. Help me oh Lord see myself as you see me. Help me oh Lord. Help me oh God. Because you are my maker. You created me. But you didn't create me like this. I only learned what I am taught from man. But what you taught me from your word and from the love that you have shown me by giving me life and giving me Revelation about my life you have shown me how beautiful I am in your sight. I thank you for this platform that I am able to confess my faults and heal from them while helping someone else heal also. I thank you for life. And I thank you for the ability to be able to be transparent to help someone else deal with the mental battles. Thank you for the opportunity. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being with me. Thank you for giving me strength. Thank you for covering me with your wings. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for being my banner going before me. Thank you for everything. Thank you for taking care of me since my husband passed away. Forgive me for stepping away when I did. My spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. But I know I'm more spiritual than fleshy. I know that my spirit will control my flesh. Because that's not what's important in your eyes. I thank you for all the revelations in my life. Thank you for keeping me. Holy spirit thank you for showing me the way. Jesus you are the truth and the light thank you. Thank you for being my savior. I ask all these things in Jesus name amen.