Don't be ashamed of feeling shame

 Early this morning I was awakened or I never went to sleep early because fear of beauty was on my mind. I am free from that and I am delivered from that. But this morning, shame creeped. Be mindful of the things that dropping your spirit when you awake in the morning. Anyway, I was thinking that I am ashamed of my talents. I am ashamed of my gifts. I am ashamed of my outward appearance. So I realized that this is a root that was embedded in me when I was a child performing, drawing, making my own clothes, singing, and just being me. I realized that my elders made me feel like I was not good enough and that transpired into my adult life way into my older adult life thinking that I'm not good enough. That I'm not worthy to do anything even live. But the Bible says God bless  the works of her hands. The almighty said he will give you the words to speak. He also said that do not be afraid for he will perform what he said he would in me. I trust God. I trust his word. I trust what he says. And I trust that he cares for me enough to uproot all of those roots those negative things that were said to me that transpired into my negative thoughts about me. So I believe that he will do the same for you but instead of you being alone in this Deliverance, that he will send you someone to help you walk through the uprooting. Because once we realize that a lot of the things that we grew up believing about ourselves didn't belong to us but only belong to our predecessors of what was embedded in them, sometimes it just wasn't good. But we are still here. 

We are still living , breathing, and moving, in the Lord in our lives. This is a new life for us. This is a new life for me. No longer will I be bound. To other people's opinions. Not to not listen to sound wisdom but to discern heavily whether it's sound wisdom or just someone's opinion. I know that words have power. That's why there are so many meanings to one word. Because they have power. And the word of God has power to change one's life. Because he changed mine and he still changing it for the better. He still changing it so I can know that I am loved. To know that I have a father that loves me that cares for me that'll help me when I need it. So I send you blessings today and I pray that you be delivered from shame. And don't be afraid to expose it so you can kill it. Selah 

Beauty blog

 I'm sitting here in my bed feeling like I'm having a Life review. Life reviews happen to people who have near-death experiences or ndes. I'm looking at my life as the path that I took for beauty. And what I'm finding out is that I am afraid to make myself beautiful because I am going to be reprimanded for putting on makeup, dressing up, even wearing heels. This stems from elementary school, my father, and some of my boyfriends. Sometimes I thought it was because I was dark skinned. But I was beautiful. My skin was a chocolate brown. My eyes and my hair are the same color. An extension hair it would be called number four. So I think I am beautiful. But now at 50 and my oppressors are now dead or gone., there should be no reason anymore for me to fear being beautiful. So I'm going to pray right now;

Father in the name of Jesus, I pray right now, to please deliver me from fear. Please deliver me from hurting myself. Please forgive me for not loving myself the way that you love me. Please forgive me for having other people's opinions affect the way I think about myself and it's not the way you think about me. Please forgive me for misinterpreting your word. Some people say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Some people say that you don't look at the outward appearance but you look at the heart and I know that's what your word says not just what people say. But that misinterpretation messes with my self-esteem as far as me being beautiful is concerned. I will see so much about my nose and it's some instances I still am. But now I am in my older years and my body is beginning to break down. I spent a lot of my time not loving myself not beautiful in myself. Help me oh God to love myself. Help me oh Lord to be who you made me to be. That is a woman after your own heart. A woman that was born beautiful with curly hair and brown skin and the most beautiful smile. Help me oh Lord see myself as you see me. Help me oh Lord. Help me oh God. Because you are my maker. You created me. But you didn't create me like this. I only learned what I am taught from man. But what you taught me from your word and from the love that you have shown me by giving me life and giving me Revelation about my life you have shown me how beautiful I am in your sight. I thank you for this platform that I am able to confess my faults and heal from them while helping someone else heal also. I thank you for life. And I thank you for the ability to be able to be transparent to help someone else deal with the mental battles. Thank you for the opportunity. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being with me. Thank you for giving me strength. Thank you for covering me with your wings. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for being my banner going before me. Thank you for everything. Thank you for taking care of me since my husband passed away. Forgive me for stepping away when I did. My spirit is willing but my flesh is weak. But I know I'm more spiritual than fleshy. I know that my spirit will control my flesh. Because that's not what's important in your eyes. I thank you for all the revelations in my life. Thank you for keeping me. Holy spirit thank you for showing me the way. Jesus you are the truth and the light thank you. Thank you for being my savior. I ask all these things in Jesus name amen.

Moments of the Crucifixion of the Messiah

Today in service the Almighty gave me a vision of the moments when the Messiah was hanging on the cross. Then He spoke to me: 

The Messiah said, "Oh LORD, why have you forsaken me?" Matthew7:26

The LORD GOD said to me to say to you, " OH PEOPLE OF GOD, why have you forsaken me? Why are you arguing about my WORD? Why are you teaching what I have not said? Why are you not serving the people whom I said to serve? Why are you not showing them the way that I love? Why are you only thinking about yourselves? Why have you forsaken ME? Says the LORD. 

The Messiah said, "I thirst." John 19:28.

The LORD says," Right here is worship."

 The Messiah was saying, "LORD, I thirst for your spirit. I thirst for your presence. OH LORD, why have you forsaken me? I thirst OH LORD for a Word from you. I thirst to hear your voice. I thirst for you. Walk with me. Talk with me. Why have you forsaken me? I surrender all to you."

Then the Almighty opened up my understanding. I asked the LORD," Why did the soldiers give him vinegar and hyssop? Yes, it is bitter. The LORD said, " What are the medicinal uses of vinegar and hyssop?" 

The Medicinal Uses of Vinegar

Vinegar has been used for various medicinal purposes for centuries due to its potential health benefits. Some of the commonly cited medicinal uses of vinegar include:

1. Digestive Aid: Consuming vinegar, particularly apple cider vinegar, is believed to help with digestion by stimulating the production of stomach acids and enzymes. This may aid in the breakdown of food and improve nutrient absorption.

2. Blood Sugar Regulation: Some studies suggest that vinegar may help lower blood sugar levels and improve insulin sensitivity, which could be beneficial for individuals with diabetes or those at risk of developing the condition.

3. Antimicrobial Properties: Vinegar has been used traditionally as a disinfectant and antimicrobial agent. It may help inhibit the growth of certain bacteria and fungi, making it useful for cleaning wounds or treating minor skin infections.

4. Heart Health: Some research indicates that vinegar consumption may have beneficial effects on heart health, including lowering blood pressure and cholesterol levels, although more studies are needed to confirm these effects.

5. Relief for Sore Throat: Gargling with a diluted solution of vinegar and water may help soothe a sore throat by reducing inflammation and killing bacteria.

6. Relief for Sunburn: Applying a diluted solution of vinegar to sunburned skin may help soothe the irritation and reduce redness.

The Medicinal Uses for Hyssop

Hyssop (Hyssopus officinalis) is an herbaceous plant with a long history of medicinal use, particularly in traditional and folk medicine. Some of the potential medicinal uses of hyssop include:

1. Respiratory Support: Hyssop has expectorant properties, meaning it may help promote the expulsion of mucus from the respiratory tract. It has been traditionally used to relieve symptoms of respiratory conditions such as coughs, colds, bronchitis, and asthma.

2. Antimicrobial Activity: Hyssop contains compounds that exhibit antimicrobial properties, which may help inhibit the growth of bacteria, viruses, and fungi. It has been used topically to disinfect wounds and internally to combat infections.

3. Anti-inflammatory Effects: Hyssop contains compounds with anti-inflammatory properties, which may help reduce inflammation in the body. It has been used to alleviate symptoms of inflammatory conditions such as arthritis and sore muscles.

4. Immune Support: Some traditional uses of hyssop involve boosting the immune system to help the body fight off infections and illnesses. Its antioxidant properties may also contribute to overall immune health.

5. Mood Enhancement: Hyssop has been used in aromatherapy for its uplifting and calming effects on the mind and body. It is believed to help relieve stress, anxiety, and nervous tension when used in inhalation or massage blends.

6. Wound Healing: Due to its antimicrobial and anti-inflammatory properties, hyssop has been applied topically to promote wound healing and prevent infection. It may help clean wounds and soothe skin irritations.

7. Antioxidant Benefits: Hyssop contains antioxidants that help protect cells from oxidative damage caused by free radicals. Regular consumption of hyssop tea or extracts may contribute to overall health and well-being.

Hyssop (Hyssopus officinalis) is a herbaceous plant native to the Mediterranean region and parts of Asia. It belongs to the Lamiaceae family, which includes other aromatic herbs like mint, basil, and sage. Hyssop has been valued for its culinary, medicinal, and aromatic properties for centuries. Here are some key points about hyssop:

8. Medicinal Uses: Hyssop has a long history of use in traditional medicine for various purposes. It is believed to have expectorant, antimicrobial, anti-inflammatory, and digestive properties. Hyssop has been used to treat respiratory conditions such as coughs, colds, and bronchitis, as well as digestive issues like indigestion and gas. It has also been used topically to promote wound healing and soothe skin irritations.

9. Aromatic Properties: The essential oil of hyssop, extracted from the leaves and flowers, is highly aromatic and is used in aromatherapy for its uplifting and calming effects. It is believed to help relieve stress, anxiety, and nervous tension when diffused or applied topically in diluted form.

10. Cultural and Religious Significance: Hyssop has been mentioned in various religious texts and traditions throughout history. In the Bible, it is referenced in the Old Testament for its purifying properties, and in the New Testament, it is mentioned during the crucifixion of Jesus. Hyssop has been used in religious rituals, purification ceremonies, and as a symbol of cleansing and protection in different cultures.

Even though the vinegar and hyssop offered a bitter taste, they held potent medicinal properties that played a crucial role in the healing process of the Messiah while He hung upon the cross. Both substances possessed antimicrobial and anti-inflammatory properties, serving to alleviate His suffering in the midst of immense pain and trauma. It is understood that by the time the Messiah was crucified, He had already endured the loss of a significant portion of His blood, and His flesh had been mercilessly torn apart. The brutality of such an ordeal would have rendered any ordinary human incapable of enduring even the initial scourging with the cat-o'-nine-tails. Yet, as He endured the excruciating torment upon the cross, He was administered herbs in the form of liquid and oil. These medicinal agents, with their antimicrobial properties, served to prevent the onset of infection and deter the ravaging effects of bugs and parasites upon His ravaged flesh. Truly, this revelation highlights the profound depths of divine mercy and providence amidst the harrowing crucifixion scene. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LORD! WHAT A REVELATION!!!!!!!

Despite the enemy's belief that victory was secured through his orchestrated actions against the Messiah, he was ultimately defeated. The Almighty intervened, steadfast in His care for His Son, ensuring that His divine purpose prevailed over all adversities.

IT IS FINISHED. John 19:30

When He gave up His spirit, He gave up all He did on this earth with His physical body. 

IT IS TIME TO SURRENDER YOUR WILL TO THE FATHER!

We are Back!!!

 I will be posting very soon as an extension of my ministry. I have a lot to say. God Bless everyone.

PARADIGMS- Relationships

In this blog, I will examine my relational paradigms as it relates to me. I encourage you to do the same as it makes clear of who you are as a person to examine yourself clearly as far as relationships are concerned. This will determine if they are healthy or unhealthy. This self-examination really opened my eyes to how my relationships were formed when I was a young person to see that my relationships as a child led to unhealthy relationships as an adult.

Paradigms - An example that serves as a pattern or model. A list of all the inflectional forms of a word is taken as an illustrative example.

Inflection- An alteration of a pitch or tone in a voice. A change in the form of a word in accordance with the grammar, syntax, or meaning.

 RELATIONAL PARADIGMS:

1. Home

2. Family

3. Work

4. Church

5. Education

6. Extra Activities

Me

  a) Home and School

Home

  a) Daddy

  b) Mommy

  c) Brothers

  d) Sister

School

  a) Teachers

  b) Students

EXAMPLES OF HOME AS A YOUNG CHILD

Home - Before Daddy Died

 1. Clean

2. Old

3. Rodents

4. Full of Music

5. Big Back Yard

6. No Peace ( I am the oldest sibling)

Home - After Daddy Died

1. Cluttered

2. More rodents

3. Full of people other than my family

4. Full of music and arts

5. Unsafe - house falling apart

6. No peace - (always a lot of people in the house, always something going on)

EXAMPLES OF FRIENDSHIPS AS A YOUNG CHILD (SCHOOL)

1. Quiet

2. Not clean (smelly)

3. Bullied

4. Straight-A student

5. 3 friends until 3rd grade

6. 1 friend until 7tth grade

EXAMPLES OF A FATHER

1. Physically abusive

2. Love

3. Creator

4. Teacher

5. Violent

6. Protector

EXAMPLES OF A MOTHER

1. Creative

2. Gave her life to the service of others

3. Never hardly home

4. On welfare (Daddy did not work)

5. Always shopping

6. Verbally Abusive

EXAMPLES OF A BROTHER

1. Did not protect me

2. Called me names

3. Verbally Abusive

EXAMPLES OF A SISTER

1. Don't remember having a close relationship with her

2. They regarded her as prettier than me

3. Always dressed up in new clothes

4. Raised differently as far as self confidence and high self esteem

5. Never talked with her

EXAMPLES OF TEACHERS

1. Authoritative

2. Disregarded my mental state

3. Verbally Abusive

4. Beat other kids

5. Women were mean

6. The priest seemed like he "liked" the 8th grade girls in an ungodly manner.

EXAMPLES OF STUDENTS

1. Bullies

2. Mean

3. Called me names

4. Did not include me in clubs or groups (outright said no)

5. My Best friend since first grade left me in the 7th grade to be with the "pretty girls".

This is a list of my examples of a young child. As you can see, I dealt a lot with verbal abuse. According to Wikipedia : Verbal abuse (also verbal attack or verbal assault) is the act of forcefully criticizing, insulting, or denouncing another person.^[1] Characterized by underlying anger and hostility, it is a destructive form of communication intended to harm the self-concept of the other person and produce negative emotions. 

According to  https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/emotional-abuse-brain/, the result of verbal abuse can look like this: Emotional abuse is devastating and can often be more traumatic than physical wounds. Bruises and broken bones eventually heal and may leave scars, but emotional trauma stays with you and shapes who you are as a person. It can also leave its own scar, one that is not as visible, but physically affects brain development and the ability to process emotions and stress. The effects of verbal abuse can also cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. And because my father committed suicide when I was 16 amid all the chaotic living as a child, I was diagnosed with PTSD.

I realized that the examples of family and friends that were set before me were not healthy ones. I also examined my current family dynamic. I wanted to see if there were similarities. I saw that there were similarities that I had now created to simulate my house as a young child. 

Husband

- Provider

- Protector

- Always away

- Always busy

- Diabetic

- Will he die before me

- Extremist

Husband as a Father

My Children (3) Not by him

- Physically abusive

- Provider

- Protector

- Teacher

Our Child (1) 

- Friend

- Balanced

- Teacher

- Provider

- Protector

Children

Child (1)

- Protector

- Extremist

- Caregiver

- Judgmental

- Loves his people

- Creative

Child (2)

- Love Child

- PTSD - Physically abused by me and my husband

- Academically genius

- Evasive with education

- always in his head

Child (3)

- Tech Crazy

- Quiet

- Angry

- Prideful

- try to impress me messed him up

- Physically and verbally abused (by me)

- Hoarder

Child (4)

- Growing up fast

- wants independence

- persistent

- knows what he wants

- cares about the people around him no matter where he is

- protector

- creator

As you can see, the similarities are close but not the same. Next I will do the things outside of my family.

Work

- bosses are bullies

- unstable environment

- crazy workload

- no room for rest

- mentally abusive

- threatening

- good pay

- I am in the wrong part of this company

Education

- attended schools that closed

- attended schools with no accreditation

- Gained new friendships

- Now on the right track

- Is it too late to begin again?

Church

- plays mind games

- God cares about me, the church does not

Extra Activities

-too many

- too frequent

- spending too much money

- not making any money

- never finish anything

OK, now here are the results:

Father, Husband- Abusers

Children- Abused like me, Artist like me, Academic like me

Mother and work- Bullies

Work and Community Activities - Overwork

Education and extra activities- a result of judgment from others, low self-esteem, and verbal abuse.

Where do I stand in all of this? I am not the same person I used to be. I cannot change the things that happened but I can change what is happening now. I can change the way I perceive things around me.  My conscious mind controls my subconscious mind. I control what goes in and what to accept as truth.  I have to reprogram my subconscious mind at the root level to change my perception of things and my belief systems. If I change, so will my marriage. If I change my house will be in order. In my education, I need to practice focusing techniques. This way I will not be easily distracted. Read all the books that I have purchased for the rest of the year. No more TV. Just read.

I encourage you to do the same examination with your life. It will help you to see why you are where you are. I am still working on changing things. Please post comments below if you have any questions.

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Speak to Yourself in a positive light

Hebrews 12:15
Looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God. Lest ANY root of bitterness springs up causing trouble and by this many become defiled.

James 3:6
And the tongue is a 🔥 a world of inquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body and sets 🔥 the course of nature and it is set on 🔥 by hell.

What you speak to yourself is important. You see that you can damage yourself with your own words. Guard your heart carefully and don't let others cause you to be bitter. Get out of that situation as soon as you feel yourself falling. It's not worth the trip. As you can see, it disrupts the natural plan God had for your life and will lead your right to the grave.

#workoutyourfaith
#speakgoodthingstoyourself
#dontletothersdictateyourselfworth

Good night 🤗

Where can I find happiness ?

There is but one place where you can find happiness. The world has nothing but sorrow. But you can find happiness in the presence of God. In the secret place of God. In our prayers but where ever God is is His secret place. In the OT, the Tabernacle was the place where God dwelled. But now we can find happiness through Christ Jesus. Look back over your life and see where the Lord has kept you. In the presence of God 🙌 is where we can find rest. When you are burdened , in His presence we will be blessed. Our soul and our mind is at rest. God knows what we need before we even ask. Just be in His presence and fellowship with Him. There is power. Wonderful saving power in the presence 🙏🙌 of the Lord. We are the apple of God's eyes. Jesus is the core. He is the one that holds up together. Spend time in the Lord and we will find out that we are not as bad of as we think. We have a high place in the presence of the Lord. When trouble comes our way we can run to the that place and say " Oh Lord, my Savior". Ain't nothing like the Love of God. No matter how hard the trouble is all it takes is some praise and that wall will fall. In His presence is all that we need. We must dwell (live) in that place. If we dwell there He will cover us in His arms. Only in the presence of God. Amen.