In this blog, I will examine my relational paradigms as it relates to me. I encourage you to do the same as it makes clear of who you are as a person to examine yourself clearly as far as relationships are concerned. This will determine if they are healthy or unhealthy. This self-examination really opened my eyes to how my relationships were formed when I was a young person to see that my relationships as a child led to unhealthy relationships as an adult.
Inflection- An alteration of a pitch or tone in a voice. A change in the form of a word in accordance with the grammar, syntax, or meaning.
RELATIONAL PARADIGMS:
1. Home
2. Family
3. Work
4. Church
5. Education
6. Extra Activities
Me
a) Home and School
Home
a) Daddy
b) Mommy
c) Brothers
d) Sister
School
a) Teachers
b) Students
EXAMPLES OF HOME AS A YOUNG CHILD
Home - Before Daddy Died
1. Clean
2. Old
3. Rodents
4. Full of Music
5. Big Back Yard
6. No Peace ( I am the oldest sibling)
Home - After Daddy Died
1. Cluttered
2. More rodents
3. Full of people other than my family
4. Full of music and arts
5. Unsafe - house falling apart
6. No peace - (always a lot of people in the house, always something going on)
EXAMPLES OF FRIENDSHIPS AS A YOUNG CHILD (SCHOOL)
1. Quiet
2. Not clean (smelly)
3. Bullied
4. Straight-A student
5. 3 friends until 3rd grade
6. 1 friend until 7tth grade
EXAMPLES OF A FATHER
1. Physically abusive
2. Love
3. Creator
4. Teacher
5. Violent
6. Protector
EXAMPLES OF A MOTHER
1. Creative
2. Gave her life to the service of others
3. Never hardly home
4. On welfare (Daddy did not work)
5. Always shopping
6. Verbally Abusive
EXAMPLES OF A BROTHER
1. Did not protect me
2. Called me names
3. Verbally Abusive
EXAMPLES OF A SISTER
1. Don't remember having a close relationship with her
2. They regarded her as prettier than me
3. Always dressed up in new clothes
4. Raised differently as far as self confidence and high self esteem
5. Never talked with her
EXAMPLES OF TEACHERS
1. Authoritative
2. Disregarded my mental state
3. Verbally Abusive
4. Beat other kids
5. Women were mean
6. The priest seemed like he "liked" the 8th grade girls in an ungodly manner.
EXAMPLES OF STUDENTS
1. Bullies
2. Mean
3. Called me names
4. Did not include me in clubs or groups (outright said no)
5. My Best friend since first grade left me in the 7th grade to be with the "pretty girls".
This is a list of my examples of a young child. As you can see, I dealt a lot with verbal abuse. According to Wikipedia : Verbal abuse (also verbal attack or verbal assault) is the act of forcefully criticizing, insulting, or denouncing another person.[1] Characterized by underlying anger and hostility, it is a destructive form of communication intended to harm the self-concept of the other person and produce negative emotions.
According to https://www.avoicefortheinnocent.org/emotional-abuse-brain/, the result of verbal abuse can look like this: Emotional abuse is devastating and can often be more traumatic than physical wounds. Bruises and broken bones eventually heal and may leave scars, but emotional trauma stays with you and shapes who you are as a person. It can also leave its own scar, one that is not as visible, but physically affects brain development and the ability to process emotions and stress. The effects of verbal abuse can also cause Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. And because my father committed suicide when I was 16 amid all the chaotic living as a child, I was diagnosed with PTSD.
I realized that the examples of family and friends that were set before me were not healthy ones. I also examined my current family dynamic. I wanted to see if there were similarities. I saw that there were similarities that I had now created to simulate my house as a young child.
Husband
- Provider
- Protector
- Always away
- Always busy
- Diabetic
- Will he die before me
- Extremist
Husband as a Father
My Children (3) Not by him
- Physically abusive
- Provider
- Protector
- Teacher
Our Child (1)
- Friend
- Balanced
- Teacher
- Provider
- Protector
Children
Child (1)
- Protector
- Extremist
- Caregiver
- Judgmental
- Loves his people
- Creative
Child (2)
- Love Child
- PTSD - Physically abused by me and my husband
- Academically genius
- Evasive with education
- always in his head
Child (3)
- Tech Crazy
- Quiet
- Angry
- Prideful
- try to impress me messed him up
- Physically and verbally abused (by me)
- Hoarder
Child (4)
- Growing up fast
- wants independence
- persistent
- knows what he wants
- cares about the people around him no matter where he is
- protector
- creator
As you can see, the similarities are close but not the same. Next I will do the things outside of my family.
Work
- bosses are bullies
- unstable environment
- crazy workload
- no room for rest
- mentally abusive
- threatening
- good pay
- I am in the wrong part of this company
Education
- attended schools that closed
- attended schools with no accreditation
- Gained new friendships
- Now on the right track
- Is it too late to begin again?
Church
- plays mind games
- God cares about me, the church does not
Extra Activities
-too many
- too frequent
- spending too much money
- not making any money
- never finish anything
OK, now here are the results:
Father, Husband- Abusers
Children- Abused like me, Artist like me, Academic like me
Mother and work- Bullies
Work and Community Activities - Overwork
Education and extra activities- a result of judgment from others, low self-esteem, and verbal abuse.
Where do I stand in all of this? I am not the same person I used to be. I cannot change the things that happened but I can change what is happening now. I can change the way I perceive things around me. My conscious mind controls my subconscious mind. I control what goes in and what to accept as truth. I have to reprogram my subconscious mind at the root level to change my perception of things and my belief systems. If I change, so will my marriage. If I change my house will be in order. In my education, I need to practice focusing techniques. This way I will not be easily distracted. Read all the books that I have purchased for the rest of the year. No more TV. Just read.
I encourage you to do the same examination with your life. It will help you to see why you are where you are. I am still working on changing things. Please post comments below if you have any questions.
Find me on Facebook
Find me on Twitter @ arthinasings.
Find me on Instagram
Leave me a comment if you read my books or TYPE #workingoutmyfaith
PURCHASE MY BOOK FAITH WORK OUT AND ITS COMPANION BURYING PLACES.
NOW AVAILABLE ON AMAZON, AMAZON PRIME,
Click the books to purchase
